passage

I awoke one night
to a quietness and stillness
I had never known before
the pigeons in the balcony
were not stirring,
the night-guard’s cane on ground
did not crackle,
the roaches did not come and go,
and even the ghosts
I had shared the room with
slept in silence.

It was at such a time
I had imagined
I would slip away to freedom,
a time when all the world
had their heads turned
the other way.

I peeked out
contemplating winking stars
in clear part of the sky
they were supposed to
guide me away
how ready I had been,
at ease, legs powerful,
heart desperate to stop
under another moon.

My eyes scurried into
the filth of the cavity,
drew something out,
something on life,
I wasn’t looking for life,
I was after extinction,
I shoved it back.

Death seemed to have
its own life
so much life that
it could come down,
walked over
and placed itself
over my body
fastening itself.

Death in its melancholic
regal cloak, laughing
exactly resembled life
I had witnessed in
great trench of weeping
I had found my death,
not the illusory land of
error and miscalculation,
but the real and true.

I had a zest for
enlightened extermination
No wonder I touched
the glory of my wounds.

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Elysium of love

Hallo, wallow, keep off me, we were no fucking lovers,
we were rivals, competitors, though we slept together,
dropping rough stones of rage in errant desires
it struck deep, it had lodged itself, I swallowed it down.

We practiced hate, both explosive and the effusive.
It kept us entertained and passionate for two hours.
He hadn’t lost his girth or his hair or that dark gleam of his eyes.
Tears swam into my eyes, burning there.
It was admirable I maintained that shield
without turning brittle behind it.

That monstrous burning, released me, kissed me
The first rush of adrenaline was gone, in its place was an innate disgust
for anything that crawled or skittered.
The acme of wickedness! He and I
circling a blizzard of marvels and shudders.

A daredevil glittering delirium stewed about us.
No one was permitted to enter though we weren’t alone,
spectral renegades flew from corner to corner.
With him I had fancied self-obliteration’s a cinch,
why annihilate myself while he ran freely about us?

After those infernal months of spinning like a little stick
in the glorious whirlpool of a cerebral orgasm
its better to get vainglorified, I’d let his hisness drive him nuts
my myness would to be shipped off on a quarantine
one long overdue and well timed.

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