>> Monday, April 28, 2008
Today again I eavesdropped my pathetic life
I didn't think much about the way I failed you
about being such a mess,
instead just perched around, listening to my heartbeat
wondering if it might stop someday soon.
Now that it is all over, and
I rummage through yellowing memories,
fingers are always darting toward me, rolling noisily
I begin to count them
feeling dizzy and nauseated
I put them back for another day.
Brushing aside splinters, slivers, tears,
I watch the mindless machinery of
life orbiting in the day and night, and try
to envision myself performing
my trivial functions in it,
since you had gone away.
I am on track,
I never shattered in obvious way, or
exploded into pieces
I had come across traces of me here and there
I have a feeling that when
I finally reach the woman who dreamed
she might be dead.