floundering

>> Monday, August 11, 2008

the night that followed
your arrival
I’d gone deeper
in embrace of death,
I was dying, or dead
with nothing left of me,
except a shadow cast
on the near wall


those words tumbling
like a death rattle, a last
prolonged exhalation

your visit sounded
a final knell, driving me
into purgatory, which
I neither had the courage
nor wisdom
to descry on my own


there is no forward
or back,
an ascent to heaven
or descent to hell
until I lose myself
and my thoughts
in vinaceous smell
stumbling backwards
in the flow of time.....

15 comments:

Nash August 11, 2008 at 4:52 AM  

The last stanza takes the cake.
A cake is needed for 100 candles.

goatman August 11, 2008 at 11:48 AM  

You are indeed a poet else how could such sadness be expressed, in prose?
Doubtful . . .

Your words flow so freely, it seems they pour out all at once with their descriptive flavour.
My few poems take forever and still do not tell what I want.

peter August 12, 2008 at 3:39 AM  

I wonder wat was going thru ur mind wen u wrote this !!

btw one suggestion if u call it a suggestion at all ....try to give rhyming ..it sounds bettr !

gud wrk btw !

MAN IN PAINTING August 12, 2008 at 3:48 AM  

As one could sense a musical instrument, so could i read the rythm of a 100%perfect poet..
time is your pet and it is very rare..
each morning i get up,see myself before the old mirror, and study time..but still for me time is wild..
i don't know why i see time..in between all your lines..
and recording time is a very rare gift..and that gift is called the gift of carving poems..
once again congrats for the 51st poem.
MIP

aria August 12, 2008 at 4:12 AM  

Nash.. I hope you are paying for the cake? :D thank you.

Goatman.. hope you've been well .. seen you after a pretty long time.. and no updates on your blog either.. thank you for your kind words.. means much.

Peter.. I don't like rhyming verses.. the thoughts are lost behind the effort of rhyme.. which according to me is forced ergo I prefer free-flowing ones.. thanks.

Man in Painting.. thank you so much .. I read your comments umpteen times.. you write everything so beautifully.. take care :)

Perry Strange August 12, 2008 at 5:42 AM  

"I was dying, or dead..."-- I dig the uncertainty. Also "... a shadow/cast on the near wall", I think because I've always liked that take on reality... :)

Pushkar Singh August 12, 2008 at 8:54 AM  

Hi

Reading through all your posts, one can't help but applaud the marvelous wordplay you use to create a wonderful experience of a poem.

All the Best

AshenGlow August 13, 2008 at 2:52 AM  

... and the moment i let go
i find I am there
where not a sound nor light
has made way yet.
And as i lie afloat in gossamer non-existence
i fail to fathom why we die just once...

What a beautiful thought aria... i couldnt help but add to it. The intent was just to hold hands and say "how true!". Apologies if i killed your thought.
One more time. Wonderful. :)

Scribblers Inc August 13, 2008 at 3:08 AM  

please please...a little more happier...."lets put a smile on that face"...

scribblers Inc.

aria August 13, 2008 at 3:15 AM  

Perry .. thank you :)

Pushkar.. aah so glad to see you. welcome aboard.. and thank you for your kind words, always :)

Ashen.. No.. you did not kill anything... it was a beautiful addition. thank you, honored :)

Scribblers.. its only a piece of poetric.. and I don't write about 'happiness' .. happiness is boring :) thanks for dropping by.

XPLOR---ER !!! August 14, 2008 at 4:18 AM  

hi... nice blog! i must say!!!!

give me tips about writing!!

i really want to have a nice vocab and writing sense like u...

MAN IN PAINTING August 16, 2008 at 7:10 AM  

aria..each time i want to be serious somebody come and offer me something..
this time a 'packet full of nuts'
lol
do read..
MIP

vi August 16, 2008 at 4:25 PM  

On that note, it’s kind of deplorable that most of my ‘old blogging pals’ got dispersed. Some are hitched or have lost interest or both. I do wish they come back .. but then as they say .. if wishes were blah …

Hi Hon,
I still read your blogs but by the time i read them everyone has already commented...btw congrats on the 51st :) in your latest poem i loved the lines
there is no forward
or back,
an ascent to heaven
or descent to hell

aria August 16, 2008 at 10:30 PM  

xplorer.. welcome to my blog. :) I don't think I am qualified enough to give tips but I think all you can do is keep writing and do read as much as you can.. coz that is how I try learning. thank you very much for dropping by.

---

Man in Painting.. alright.. see you next.

--

Vi.. I am rubbing my eyes. Welcome .. welcome.. hope you are doing well .. gosh! actually besides reading one should write too .. no? you haven't updated your blog since ages.. but its okay .. understandable coz 'real life' when interesting is far better than frequenting boring blogs.. really glad to see you .. thanks as always.. :)

The Wandering Hermit August 17, 2008 at 2:28 PM  

I don't write about 'happiness' .. happiness is boring :-)

There is something to be said for Melancholy, she is a loyal partner unlike happiness.

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