eyes...

>> Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Everything about me is a bit of lie
except these eyes, wherein past
and future blur, the knowledge of
an impending crisis remains
they have paid for vanity and ignorance
for contractions, those stinging looks
tender tears, spiritual aspirations
and the lewd desires


narrating their fidelity and misfortunes
would require deeper dredgings,
a darker sense of irony
or perhaps it requires neither gravity
nor complexity, but another person,
who would see in them
a simple four lettered comedy
which is all, it might have been.


******


spying out of fear and intimidation
a howling lunacy, or human perversity
passion spills in the miniature streams of
ever changing channels, inches deep,
rippled and plaited on gray images
refusing to answer any more of your questions
associations, past, present or life to come
they would not apologize or verify
penetrate their obfuscating rhetoric, they don’t rip
all they carry now is a stone look, and yet
they are two virulent strains of a virus
to which only a few men are immune….

15 comments:

Perry Strange July 16, 2008 at 5:25 PM  

well now...

... there's so much good stuff in here, I don't know which line I'd like to pull out. "which is all, it might have been."... and I love how you sometimes end things with a "thump".

And the last stanza, in particular the last two lines... but also the way you've used "obfuscating"... as both a state and an action, yes?

I like this one very much.

Influential Deepu July 17, 2008 at 1:11 AM  

!! who would like to be immune to such a virus !!

Thinking of those Eyes make me stoned,
how does it matter if they themselves are one,
a virus which all want to be infected to,
sure there would be left none.

stoned you see those pair may be,
guess you need my pair to actually realize,
its behind that rigid stare what I seek,
the streak of calmness which is still alive.

:)

aria July 17, 2008 at 11:25 PM  

Perry.. thank you so much, elated after reading your comment.

Deepesh.. waah! awesome lines those. ahem.. that felt damn good. thank you for making my day. :D

Nash July 18, 2008 at 5:12 AM  

"penetrate their obfuscating rhetoric, they don’t rip
all they carry now is a stone look, and yet
they are two virulent strains of a virus
to which only a few men are immune…"

Amazing, is all I can say.

Alok July 18, 2008 at 5:36 AM  

nice ... I like darker sense of irony

If you wouldn't mind my saying so, I would love to see you re-write the last verse .... It has got that latent potential that is hidden somewhere, perhaps becoz it is reading a lil like prose poetry or perhaps becoz there are too many modifiers ...

you can obviously kick out the suggestion right out of the window as well :))


Alok


pS: being very busy lately .... and also a lil tired of my craps :)) and as usual I enjoy reading you

aria July 18, 2008 at 6:51 AM  

Nash.. How about some new jokes? :D I had been waiting. Thanks much.. you are always too kind.

Alok.. thank you for reading and your suggestions. :) I somehow cant rewrite anything. In fact all my poetrics are prose-poetry if at all they are either .. most of them are just random lines so I prefer to jot them raw.. as they come to my mind ..

Alok July 18, 2008 at 7:36 AM  

honestly speaking, I feel you have got a strong foundation here in terms of the thought process ... the last 4 lines are obviously very neat ... I would still like you to give it a try .... hope m being not pushy here .... its just tht there is potential in there for real good stuff to emerge .. :))))


Alok

cheti July 18, 2008 at 9:04 AM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
cheti July 18, 2008 at 9:08 AM  

ahhh lady ! so you are very much at beautiful it !

Love your words ! Even though I dont really undersand most of it ! It just creates a feel about it !

aria July 18, 2008 at 10:09 AM  

Alok.. I seriously can't rewrite anything.. and then to me... its fine the way it is so I won't be able to change anything. I am not throwing anything out of the window.. you could be right and I am really glad that you feel so strongly about something I've written. My capabilities are very limited, honestly.

Cheti.. sigh.. thank you.. I thought.. you don't remember me anymore.. :( hope to see you again.. *double sigh*

cheti July 18, 2008 at 6:29 PM  

what to do ! Blogspot is blocked at work and there is not much time at house after work !

flyingstars July 18, 2008 at 7:05 PM  

the words carry so much depth & the lines beautifully intertwined with each other...indeed the eyes can be mysterious at times & that can be misleading too...you have narrated the entire theme very wonderfully.

Casperbaba July 28, 2008 at 11:29 PM  

baandhey baithey ho nigahon ko sacchaee ke dhokhon se,
kehtey ho phir ki hamari aarzoo aur justajoo bewajah hai,
kat raha hai har lamha tumhara khamosh se gussey ke taley,
aur poochtee ho ki beybas, barbas sa mera saya kyon hai?

dhoondhatee ho jis khuda ko kagaz par likhee sihaeyon mein,
kabhi tatolney ka usko khudmein haunsala kiya hai?
banto, chanton apney khayalon ko thoda,
phir dekho zindage mein jeeney ki adaa kya hai?

subhaan allah!

aria July 29, 2008 at 12:17 AM  

waah casper .. this is awesome .. thank you for this nazam... you should post this on your space :)

asuph July 29, 2008 at 9:16 AM  

again quite late, but loved the first part. the second half, too prosey. i guess that's not a sin, but you can turn prose into poetry, so regulary, so this other transformation leaves wanting.

but then ignore me. i'm as irrelevant as ever

cheers,
asuph

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