An Aimless Walk

>> Tuesday, July 29, 2008

I'd sauntered these puddle-smeared pavements many times
Imprinting trails of treadmark, had long ceased to see them
Here is both cover and footing where I expect muck
My knees make musical rubs in the cool shearing dirt
Purple dust drifts and a sour raindrop splashes on my nose
The piles of brickbats scattered in the weeds are warm.
Overhead clouds wheel, uttering their musical burrs and rattle
Sunlight shatters like quicksilver against their orotund form
I could be broken, sundered, busted down the middle
Self-ripped from self, a woman pasted back together
Silence presses in and up, empty space on either side
Giving an echoing weighless feeling as if I lack ballast
A mystical element, which might any moment float upward
From the vaporous depths come floating great words,
Muffled sounds, wrapped in cotton, "I would save you
My embrace would settle this tangled contradictory mess
All you need is time and desire, a new day is dawning,"
Hush, for you have an infinite capacity to repeat dull truths
And old lies with all the insistence of self-discovery,
It isn’t the dawn that interests me; but the night…

11 comments:

Nash July 29, 2008 at 5:31 AM  

Surreal images you paint with words. Lovely.

Alok July 29, 2008 at 7:32 AM  

the way you are ending your poem these days is brilliant .... they stay with the reader way after they leave this page ... I absolutely loved the second line .. what a way to capture something that is routine ..

Some suggestions (again :)) and if I may :) I first thought you wouldn't be using punctuation, but since you have done so, it would be better if you don't start each line in caps .. the reading becomes a little forced becoz of that (it is as if starting all over again and hence affects the rhythm)

Secondly although the images are very well woven, I think if you can do away with a few of them (like clouds and sunlight, mystical element, a new day dawning etc) they will make the poem crisper ... I tried reading the poem after deleting few lines and it read better ...

My two cents again :) :)


Alok

impersonator July 29, 2008 at 8:42 AM  

flows like fine vodka.... :)I read this in one go...and there were no speed-breakers...you seem to be on a roll...aren't you?

asuph July 29, 2008 at 9:21 AM  

> Hush, for you have an infinite capacity to repeat dull truths
And old lies with all the insistence of self-discovery,

these two lines will stay with me.

cheers,
asuph

Inconsequential July 29, 2008 at 10:43 AM  

:)

damn fine write as usual :)














down...not out...

aria July 29, 2008 at 9:38 PM  

Nash.. thank you. I love the word "surreal" :)

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Alok.. I'd thought about all that when I was writing/posting esp the caps part .. but it was intentional.. and thanks as always :)

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Impersonator.. kind of @ roll or rather I'm posting every crap that I scribble. Of late I discovered that some scribbles stored in my comp just vanished.. perhaps its better to have them here .. in whatever form.. thank you :)

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Asuph.. there you are! A casual comment that I'd made on your blog has led to a platonic break-up :( I hope you know what I mean.
Thank you for dropping by and your kind comments and you are NOT irrelevant. In fact you are the only one whose comments I heed to and even try implementing..

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Inconsequential.. Glad to see you! missed you loads. thank you for coming back here. :) please do write.

shooting star July 30, 2008 at 4:19 AM  

surreal and imaginative at the same time...

Perry Strange July 30, 2008 at 7:24 AM  

complex, and ver-r-ry interesting ideas.

self-as-sunlight? (am I getting it?) because if so-- this is a new way of thinking about the issue... at least for me. me-- I tend to do dusks and dawns... never really thought about interrogating midnight.

... chewing on it, now.

MAN IN PAINTING July 30, 2008 at 8:44 PM  

great poetry.
We stand at different slopes of the same mountain,meet occasionally , probably when we both take the same turns,continue our adventure,breathless and surreal....
i love escaping from words and poetry
but each time i read you i feel what is it to forget the differences between words and meanings..
me updated
another comical form
"notapoem"

AshenGlow July 30, 2008 at 11:42 PM  

Bahut badhiya, aria... i really loved the line-
"...I could be broken, sundered, busted down the middle
Self-ripped from self, a woman pasted back together..."
Kudos!

Love,
Ashen :)

aria July 31, 2008 at 1:05 PM  

Shooting Star, Perry Strange, Man in Painting, Ashen Glow.. thank you kindly for dropping by and reading my humble writings. Your comments are valued :) take care.

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