Apathy

>> Monday, June 30, 2008

The yellowing sheets are spattered
crisscrossed with fragmentary outlines
stirring around dispiriting accumulation of
disconnected beginnings middles and endings
as regular tortures seem on vacation
when I drove myself insane
tormenting an intractable self into confession
by and large the usual estranged stuff
cleaning up the mess
making sure that love was stale
and there was nothing nourishing in memories
exonerated from this bruising combat
without a score to settle
without reparations due
without hatred boiling in my heart
is there a way of existing
that will make all this nothingness
truly nothing?

14 comments:

Influential Deepu June 30, 2008 at 8:07 AM  

i don know, but I felt two different emotions at same time ... lets club them together to name it as "The painless pain."

you definitely are a master of creating emotional images out of your words !! :)

btw .. when you can be first, so can I !! :D

Nidhi June 30, 2008 at 8:44 AM  

Came online after so long and one temptation I couldn't resist was to check up on your blog and here I am treated with four new entries but I also realize that I mustn't waste them reading in a rush so will come back at leisure to savour them at ease..

how have you been Aria? I remembered you all the time :) Be fine and take good care

lots of cares
Nidhi

aria June 30, 2008 at 9:25 PM  

Deepesh.. that amazes me.. I had deleted one line with 'painless pain' sorta words. I want to keep them short these days :D Off and on I have this urge to cure my verbosity ergo just trying .. thank you so very much .. also for being first.


Nidhi.. I had been thinking of you. Hope you are feeling better and savoring the monsoons.
I am very much the same. Actually in 'writing mood' these days.. have this fit once a while so been jotting down everything that comes to my mind .. thanks to free verses ..
Thank you so much for dropping by. I really wanted to 'see you'.. if you know what I mean :)
and then I instantly feel elated when I see your comment.
be well.. take care.

MAN IN PAINTING July 1, 2008 at 2:55 AM  

Aria..

WOW!
Your Words,like beehives
wait for their inmates to comeback.."as regular tortures seem on vacation".
Space is all that is left.."without beginnings,middles and endings.."

the great art of carving nothingness..
wonderful post..
loved your lines..
looking for more...
thank you..

Nash July 1, 2008 at 8:18 AM  

"as regular tortures seem on vacation" I'm stumped. Like always.

Sutta July 1, 2008 at 2:56 PM  

Beautiful indeed!

Alok July 1, 2008 at 6:27 PM  

nice ... there is a deafening silence and a mournful optimism here ... life in all its rhetorical ceremony is indeed found incongruous


Alok

AshenGlow July 1, 2008 at 9:21 PM  

Aria dear.... its been such along hiatus... and its been such a pleasure reading you yet again.. feels like im back home with my folks... Really... :)

sigh!!

Lots of love,
Ashen

aria July 1, 2008 at 11:31 PM  

Man in painting .. thanks so much for your generous words.. :)

Nash .. and I'm overwhelmed.. like always. thanks :)

Sutta .. Welcome to my world. I love your handle. I share it too.. thanks :)

Alok .. and why aren't you updating? :( hope to read something soon.. meanwhile.. thank you :)

Ashen .. Aaah you are back!! missed you sorely. welcome back. Yes indeed it was a long hiatus.. honestly I feel the same.. after reading your comment .. please stay awhile.. thank you.. :)

parikrama July 2, 2008 at 3:29 AM  

Where has Asuph dissapeared ?! Kuch jhagdaa vageyraah kiyaa kyaa oos ghaati ne ? I haven't seen him commenting here for eons.. Vaise , I haven't seen him commenting anywhere else aswell. Aakhir maajraa kya hein ?

I know, I am myself MIA for long time.. but I guess you can excuse me coz anyways mujhe jyaada samajh mein nahi aata tum kyaa likhtee ho. Buss itnaa jaanta hu ki bohot accha likhtee ho. Your poems are like those abstract paintings which everybody admire, but very few decipher :) But yeah, i "think" i do get the gist of most of what you write.. But again, I am not known to be a deep "thinker"..

Heck, you can just laugh my comment off. Don't try to make sense out of what I wrote above. I just wanted to register my "haazri" once again in your durbar :)

Casperbaba July 2, 2008 at 11:57 AM  

the understanding that "nothingness" cud never be defined without "completness"!

and the fact that completness is incomplete without "nothingness"!!!

goatman July 2, 2008 at 12:51 PM  

"nothing nourishing in memories" seems a sad result of a past.

aria July 5, 2008 at 9:53 AM  

IW.. I didn't fight with them :( By God ki kasam.. aajkal main kisi se nahi ladti. still no one reads me *sigh* koi nahi .. thank you .. all your words are complements and valued.

Casper.. perhaps you are right. Thanks for dropping by. :)

Goatman.. thank you for your comment, means much. :)

Perry Strange July 9, 2008 at 10:32 AM  

I've been thinking about this one for a bit, now...

and I keep coming back to: "when I drove myself insane...", which is very good--

and "exonerated from this bruising combat" because I like the idea of internal detente ;)...

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