germinating..

>> Friday, May 16, 2008



feculent atmosphere -
writer concocts a plot
musician devises
thunder-haunted backdrop
painter envisions a mural
together they etch
deep dark pools
profound as sleep
night or death.


when splatter falls short
amidst eloquent labyrinths,
quails to taper off,
as if through sieve
straight and thin..
in cessation
dribbles vomit out
pelting the asphalt.


in this silvery twilight
a golden eye enkindles
a cosmic embryo
in process of formation

brimming and suspended
a child’s face -
barest impression of
the face and soul..


pS :- I don't generally do this.. but I was looking at this picture and few lines resulted ..

24 comments:

Alok May 16, 2008 at 5:30 AM  

something different and an honest attempt .... and that's what makes this piece memorable for me ..

though the poem starts with feculent atmosphere ... you followed the lead to a child's face and that is what I find extremely promising here ....

I loved the phrase profound sleep .... though I am not sure whether night or death was necessary because "profound sleep" in itself takes you to night or death ... unless of-course u implied (stress) repetition ...

S2 is full of "that moment" description and I liked the images that you drew out of it ... "eloquent labyrinths" leave behind a lot of pics in the mind (though I am not sure why it sounded a little off when I read it with splatter falls short) .... and again vomit is too strong a word than wht I think was needed .... but then that's a personal opinion ...

S3 is what I will remember this poem for ... for you depict creation for the first time .... enkindles is a very nice word .... it practically gives shape to the whole piece .... I loved the last three lines ...

I loved the treatment that you gave to this poem ...


Alok

Casperbaba May 16, 2008 at 8:45 AM  

in this silvery twilight
a golden eye enkindles
a cosmic embryo
in process of formation

so loved these lines here.... makes so much of sense with the visual laced right nxt to it... beautifull yet another masterpiece..

nd i m realy happy ur "hibernation" did'nt last long.. the last time i majorly hibernated woke up after 4 yrs... lolz!

The Wandering Hermit May 16, 2008 at 10:19 PM  

the satin divinity of the night harbors many other things then just death... The grim reaper was always a charmer very much a minstrel playing to the gallery..

Nash May 17, 2008 at 1:01 AM  

"when splatter falls short
amidst eloquent labyrinths"

Mine always falls short but the labyrinths aren't eloquent as yours. :-) These two lines caught my fancy besides the last stanza which is mesmerizing.

aria May 17, 2008 at 7:38 AM  

Alok... first of all, thanks for that detailed comment and your feedback. The first stanza could've ended after sleep esp coz the next line breaks the tone still I retained it coz the three words have different connotation for me so I don't think I intended repetition. The rest as you say is your personal opinion, which is fine. thanks again.

Casper.. Thank you :) though technically I'm still hibernating. this piece has something missing.. I'm not sure what yet there is something I like about it but I can make it neither better nor worse so I posted it :D 4 yrs hibernation is really something .. I've had some longish breaks upto 6-7 months in the past :)

Zofo.. thanks for that lovely comment... :) and nice to see you.

Nash.. hmm.. you don't let me there @ labyrinths.. *sigh* so what can I possibly add there.. thanks, as always :)

nidhi May 17, 2008 at 8:00 AM  

A silvery night holds many promises just as the day.. I loved it and the end is soothing and full of promise even the title is :)

you know Aria last many days "Germinating" is the word I am focussed on and what is brewing in me is related to this word only.. In btw I m doing okie though not so good but then this condition is related to germinating new life; an addition to my life :) hope you got what I mean so I am suffering but with an inside happiness

take care Aria and be well always..you are very special indeed though I don't know you yet I know you :)

Influential Deepu May 17, 2008 at 9:26 AM  

if you don't do this often, try doing it.
Good one !!
Impressive how you crafted such derivations out of the picture.

aria May 18, 2008 at 12:17 AM  

Nidhi... how wonderful that is! congratulations. It is also a co-incidence that I attempted something related to 'creation' for the first time but the creation you are talking about is nonpareil and I'm so very happy for you... thanks for sharing this joy and trust me when I read your words I feel the same ..as if I've known you forever. please take care. I wish I could do something to reduce the suffering.. my prayers .. and best wishes.. to you and Pravin. :)



Deepesh.. thanks much.
"inspiration' or rather a muse is so rare these days that I've to look at pictures but then I'm complaining as long as you like my effort :)

New Buddha May 18, 2008 at 1:22 AM  

Hey Aria, nice..Did you look at the pic from a different perspective?? Perhaps you did..:)) Those penetrating eyes looking out of the maze within... hiding the turmoil within, the storms, the lightening, the rainbow, the darkness and twilight...:))))

impersonator May 18, 2008 at 2:46 AM  

Cool concept of feculent leading to abundant...last stanza is surreal.

aria May 18, 2008 at 3:07 AM  

I meant - I am NOT complaining in the previous comment .. typo :|

---

Buddha.. thanks :D yes it has it all doesn't it.. the picture I mean. that rainbow and the rest.. somehow I loved this picture so much that I decided to scribble something on it.

Impersonator.. that was well said in one line. thanks for dropping by. :)

flyingstars May 19, 2008 at 9:58 PM  

Nice to back after a long time here & with such a beautiful weaving of evocative words, it just gets better...when you feel the moment, it makes us think and forget everything else...and get lost in the beauty of the creation of new life & then just wonder.....

hope you are fine, as of me...yeah I'm doing well & have settled down a lot now....but it will take me sometime to return to regular blogging again...have a wonderful time!

Inconsequential May 20, 2008 at 11:18 AM  

:)

Quackster May 21, 2008 at 12:58 AM  

The word choice was fascinating with a unique flow.

Lynda Lehmann May 21, 2008 at 12:22 PM  

Splendid words and imagery--a lot to chew on!

Jeya May 21, 2008 at 11:32 PM  

The making of a human-God.

You caught me with the first line.

impersonator May 26, 2008 at 5:15 AM  

Where are you?

Inconsequential June 1, 2008 at 1:15 PM  

new month...time for a new piece :)

Pushy aren't I :)

aria June 4, 2008 at 1:37 AM  

Flyingstars, Inconsequential, Quackster, Lynda, Jeya, Impersonator thanks everyone for comments. :)

pS - I'm sleeping 12 hours a day, which hardly leaves time for anything else.. besides the regular chores. *sigh* I will try updating soon. I'm missing my own posts ..

Ashu June 4, 2008 at 5:21 AM  

casperbaba has left a dedication for you on my blog. come check it

Nidhi June 5, 2008 at 5:20 AM  

Hey Aria
we sail in same boat as I sleep around 12 hrs too :) I feel so lazy and the best thing appears is to sleep anytime

thanks for the lovely comments, much loved & miss your updates. I m sure it will be worth a wait as you wake up to weave pearly magic here :D

take care and be fine

Nikks!!!!! June 6, 2008 at 1:55 AM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
aria June 6, 2008 at 4:19 AM  

Ashu.. Welcome on my blog and thanks :)

Nidhi.. that's so sweet. :) I've no idea whats happening to me. Not that long ago, I struggled to sleep and now I struggle to stay awake. Pearly magic .. *sigh* I wish but thanks you give me hope..as always and yes I am eagerly waiting for that good news from your side. :) best..

Nikks.. nice to see you after this hiatus and never mind the absence.. we all do that. :) will look forward to your words..

Dohatzz June 20, 2008 at 6:09 AM  

hmmm after the responses to the prev blog this gets diff

touche !

dark circles under the eyes
painfuly talking of
times to come
and the times gone by

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