petrified

>> Monday, April 28, 2008

Today again I eavesdropped my pathetic life
I didn't think much about the way I failed you
about being such a mess,
instead just perched around, listening to my heartbeat
wondering if it might stop someday soon.


Now that it is all over, and
I rummage through yellowing memories,
fingers are always darting toward me, rolling noisily
I begin to count them
feeling dizzy and nauseated
I put them back for another day.


Brushing aside splinters, slivers, tears,
I watch the mindless machinery of

life orbiting in the day and night, and try
to envision myself performing
my trivial functions in it,
since you had gone away.


I am on track,
I never shattered in obvious way, or
exploded into pieces
I had come across traces of me here and there
I have a feeling that when
I finally reach the woman who dreamed
she might be dead.

30 comments:

The Individualist April 28, 2008 at 11:12 AM  

Hmm. The mood continues to linger, eh? As much as you fit the bill perfectly for this genre, I really want to see you attempting others too, you know. I'm sure I've made no secret of it, the last few times I've been here.

P.S. : The labelling, I think, is being too critical. But again, that probably goes along with everything else.

The Individualist April 28, 2008 at 11:13 AM  

I liked the paradoxical last line, the best.

aria April 28, 2008 at 11:25 AM  

Well, I am no writer. The mood will linger because that's the way I am. I scribble mostly in 'that' mood and thats also the theme of my blog. The labelling here is always random when the piece is cathartic. Thanks.

Nash April 28, 2008 at 12:01 PM  

Aria, the last stanza is wonderful. Keep them coming. Its never enough. If you decide to change it wont be you. I would prefer that you stay the way you are. After all that's the Aria we adore. Of course thats my personal opinion. But please don't label your lovely poetry as crap. A humble request. :-)

aria April 28, 2008 at 12:21 PM  

"If you decide to change it wont be you." it reminded me of a friend.. thanks much.. you are very kind. I'll certainly think of a better word for 'crap' :D

Nash April 28, 2008 at 12:37 PM  

I'm also a friend. Am I not? :-) I came back to read again. In my second (or third) read I think the following lines are also amazing.

"I watch the mindless machinery of
life orbiting in the day and night,"

Keep writing.

Inconsequential April 28, 2008 at 12:42 PM  

:)

You know, mines crapper than yours...

:)

mindless machinery of life...

http://www.mwaaerk.demon.co.uk/September/13/ex%20machina%20.htm

I know, some form of bad etiquette plugging your own works in anothers comments...

But that phrase reminded me...

Inconsequential April 28, 2008 at 12:43 PM  

Oh, and btw, I popped in to say thanks for the comment and to say I liked this piece...

Forgot about that bit didn't I...

Silly me.

Good stuff! Not crap stuff...

aria April 28, 2008 at 12:49 PM  

Nash.. Indeed you are a friend :) It seems we were online together. thanks again. I am really glad you find my writings worth a second or third read.. g'nite..tc

aria April 28, 2008 at 12:52 PM  

Inconsequential.. Thank you for your comment and also for the link..
I loved it..

"am rust flake.
Drifting free.
No more whirl, spin, turn.
Drifting free.

Oh so free…"

awesome.. and 'your's' is never crap.

Lynda Lehmann April 28, 2008 at 5:48 PM  

Some wonderful turns of phrase here, and an overall melancholy flow. Very well done!

asuph April 28, 2008 at 6:58 PM  

aria,

I think your biggest problem is that you underestimate your writing abilities. You say you're no writer. Hell you are. And that's why I can take a piece like this from most bloggers, but not you. And that's where I don't agree with the individualists comment #1. It's not the mood. It's that it's too lackluster, IMO, coming from you. I didn't like the lines Nash pointed out either. Mindless machinery of life. It's like you're sleepwalking.

Of course one cannot expect sublime stuff poem after poem, so I wouldn't read too much into it. Just waiting for the next one.

cheers,
asuph.

Ashen Glow April 28, 2008 at 9:56 PM  

"...When I finally reach the woman who dreamed, she might be dead."

You may find her, but she'd be dead anyway...
Feels like a mouse trapped in a circular trap... no corners to hide... no crevice to sneak out of...
Breathing heavily through a suffering called life...
But tell me dear... is it so bad after all?

Alok April 28, 2008 at 10:08 PM  

Sometimes allusion works well rather than being direct ... and vice versa is true as well ... I think you are at ur best when you let ur readers draw meaning out of what you write ...

But the good part is Aria, u r writing frequently ... I have always believed that if one waits for his masterpiece to come and lie idle in the meanwhile, then tht masterpiece might never come (hint hint ... okie I will spell it out .. write more :))

I liked the last 2 lines ... somehow have a feeling tht it came to ur mind first and the rest of the poem builds on that premise .. ofcourse I might be wrong :)


Alok

Casperbaba April 28, 2008 at 11:08 PM  

to the woman who dreamed,

Being hollow sometimes is more meaningful than being full of nothing-ness.

you orchestrate a strenght yet a weekness beyond my articulation. I don't wish to heal no pain.

Alok April 29, 2008 at 8:56 AM  

aria read the *but as * and in my comment

thts why one should never comment during lunch break .... (kicking myself)

in the morning the comment section seemed so "hot" ..... suddenly there is so much silence here ..... itna sannata kyon hai bhai :))


cheers

Alok

Kunjubi April 29, 2008 at 9:22 AM  

Aria "Brushing aside splinters, slivers, tears,
I watch THE MINDLESS MACHINERY of
life orbiting in the day and night, and try
to envision myself performing
my trivial functions in it," Reconnoitering life is a sad experience, but chances are you may find some flotsam which needs revamping.The sun is coming out of the clouds!... Splendid.. Congrats! Kunjubi

aria April 29, 2008 at 10:17 AM  

Lynda.. welcome to my blog, thanks much.

Asuph.. and you over-estimate me.. but I like that! thanks, always :)

Ashen.. "is it so bad after all?"
Its worse! :) thank you for your comment.

Alok.. I've said it before, its never deliberate. I never tried being direct or indirect, it takes it own course and I let it be. the silence was coz there wasn't much to add and I was watching the match but I think when I watch 'they' lose so I'm taking a break. Btw, I write everyday but post rarely. thank you. :)

Casper and Kunjubi.. thanks for dropping by and adding your thoughts.

Thanks again everyone. :)

Aditi April 29, 2008 at 10:05 PM  

Good write up, way to go Aria..

Jeya April 29, 2008 at 11:47 PM  

I had come across traces of me here and there
I have a feeling that when
I finally reach the woman who dreamed
she might be dead.


Those last few lines are compelling. Love you poem, and your blog. :)

--

I'm in luck today. This is the second poet blogger that I've found.
I'm in luck today. You even sound, your measured sound.
I'm truly in luck today!

aria April 30, 2008 at 11:20 AM  

Aditi.. welcome aboard. Thank you :)

Jeya.. welcome to my blog.. thanks much, that felt really good. :)

vi May 2, 2008 at 6:08 PM  

Came to check on my favorite blogger :)
Wonderfully written.

....since you had gone away.

but I wish they were just words...aria sweetheart...T had once said to me...and I want to repeat that to you...
Open your heart to new people...
abhi goonjenge muhabbat ke tarane kitne
Zindgi tumko sunyegi fasane kitne

I know (pyschic powers) you will be very happy...you will be a famous writer and find the one you deserve...you can pay my fee then :)

Dredger May 4, 2008 at 1:27 PM  

This is the first time i haven taken a fancy to one of your works..its almost as though ur writing thru a stupor of sorts or maybe ur just finally learning to walk among us lesser mortals now! :)

Echo May 4, 2008 at 9:42 PM  

"Well, I am no writer,"
You say
wow, if you are not a writer, what is.
This is a lovely pices, like a quiet compelling bit of classical music.

Quackster May 5, 2008 at 12:55 AM  

I didn't know exactly what was goign on, but then again, I think that was the mood you were going for.

aria May 5, 2008 at 1:56 AM  

Vi.. where are you? more than anything else.. I'm happy to see you.. you seem really busy. thank you for those kind words, means much.. ab aur kya kahein .. *sigh*

Dredger.. thanks for your comment.

Echo.. long time. nice to see you. thanks a heap :)

quackster.. welcome to my blog and thanks for the comment.

New Buddha May 13, 2008 at 9:08 PM  

My dear, keep looking for the woman silently. She awaits you in all her splendour and glory....keep loving her!! Beautiful poem...And I see expression of hope in it..despite the mention of death!..:))

aria May 17, 2008 at 7:59 AM  

thanks Buddha :) for kindly reading me and all your lovely words.. they are valued...

nilesh May 20, 2008 at 7:37 AM  

You really really are 'The Wizardess of Words'... D. Gr8 stuff. To me 'eavesdropped my pathetic life' & 'mindless machinery...' were the most appealing.

Perry Strange June 27, 2008 at 1:52 PM  

I like the "eavesdropped..." bit as well.

... I kinda feel like that's where a lot of art comes from... peeking over you own shoulder.

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