Nascent Breaker ..

>> Thursday, January 3, 2008

That ruthless voice
which had never bothered
to cloak itself in humanitarian rhetoric
asked me again ..
"where are your scribbles
that had no rhyme nor rhythm
and seldom any ‘content’ ?"

"You were mistress of
extraordinary loquaciousness
so perspicacious
so fluent
so rich with contempt for
every last human problem
you’d ever faced.."

"A clamorous countess of
endless ostentatiously
overelaborate sentences
write something, will you?
squelching jokes,
tedious anecdotes
anything would do .."

The impulse was overwhelming
to grab the laptop, slam it through
instead drawing back, reining in,
strategically speaking
softly I replied ..

"Days are shorter, evenings longer,
gossamer webs float through air,
cool breezes waft around -
days could be radiant
the nighttime coolness
has reached out
and touched everything."

"I do have thoughts
I do not think them
I had once channeled them
now my words spill everywhere
and lay lightly
on everything like mist."

The ‘voice’ turned low
it had quality of muffled shriek …
"You are not fighting
a world anymore
where they are out to destroy you
you are battling in the world
where you are alone with me."

"You are something
which suffered
a premature burial;
something accounted for
not 'present' though
I am certain you are aware of
the morbid irony in this."

Being angry at the voice
had previously felt better
ignoring had liberated -
it is no longer possible
to isolate that voice and me
or separate ‘me’ from person
in charge I’d always been ..

"Woman in charge
and woman deferred to
have only added to the pain
and surprise of being
the alien that I am …"


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