The final confusion...

>> Saturday, March 24, 2007

All endearments, the whole game
and procedure of love has passed
but I can not fall asleep.
Those feelings ashamed, lost, spent
have stepped back into that hiding place
where emotions can stay for years -
without any sound.

Reposed, on this consecrated ground
awaiting, the final confusion
and everything around me,
each grain of sand, each pebble
still breathing, glowing, lusting
I’m no longer matter, yet not spirit,
this slanting pillar of dust,
was once my body, which vibrated
and reflected rainbow hues.

The life I led, or longed to live
could not all have been a fantasy
Eerie, incomprehensible, ridiculous,
the visitation was nonetheless real
containing details and odd incidents
that only life itself could device.

Its waves and bubbles dancing in universal cauldron
seething with change
following the unbroken chain of causes and effects
And you my dear,
with your unavoidable fate, are a part of this -
the shadow of the same albatross,
just a different part.

When you are free at last, to enter with abandon
the land of mourning and shadows and memory
Take a bow
For I already am there, without you
In what we'd both tried to make together
for us, and for each other –
A better world…

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Maudlin Monologue

>> Sunday, March 18, 2007

In a rare moment of simple dispassionate clarity toward my end, me said to I.
"You win some and you lose ; you lose and you lose and you lose .. "
"Some choice!" answered I.

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