Vagrancy...

>> Wednesday, August 22, 2007

i)

I waited with precious little in the way of trepidation
piled reveries into the back of my grip,
and embarked upon a destination
as if I knew where it was.


A gloomy limbo had spread murkiness
in the tiny iridescent circuit, where
life had accomplished its esthetic efflorescence
though I was soothed by the notion
that beyond the squalid clutter of my heart
there were emerald pastures with rust eaten fender wells.


A sort of thing I'd occasionally indulged in
to look for a place on this earth, where it was possible still
to lead a life unilluminated by obsolete memories
unserenaded by familiar amorous songs, orchestrations
and uncatered by crude diets of vanity.

ii)


By sheer happenstance,
I wandered through you on an evening
with an uncanny knack for soaring
Reasonably certain of a point in an empyrean
I'd hinged open my mouth to speak
just when I lost both my gumption and my bearings.


On my trail back
all its length, the streets said nothing
though I could envision in a gap across the way
beyond the rusting downspout,
the bare limbs of a plane tree.


It seemed you and me, like ghostly lovers
had perpetually pursued, never clasped
and I saw myself forever fated into
repeating same gestures, proverbial words
as outside my shrouded sentience
life rolled away,
like a vast blackness blighted by lights
beyond the windows of a moving truck ..

35 comments:

Nash August 22, 2007 at 9:43 PM  

Back being your complicated best? For this one, I want to give you a standing ovation. "The bare limbs of a plane tree." You write like a dream...

aria August 22, 2007 at 11:32 PM  

:) @ complicated best.
You know .. I'm very much overwhelmed by your praises but they mean a lot .. honestly .. thank you again for reading and your kind words.

The Hermit of Wandering Thoughts August 23, 2007 at 3:17 AM  

I'd hinged open my mouth to speak
just when I lost both my gumption and my bearings.

This part reminds me of that song from Morrissey (THE SMITHS) "There's a light that never goes out"
which goes something like this

And in the darkened underpass
I thought oh god, my chance has come at last
(but then a strange fear gripped me and I, Just could'nt ask)


will comment on the rest later, gotta rush now.
cheers
z

Alok August 23, 2007 at 7:19 AM  

I am a speechless aria .. how often i have taken the journeys of "I waited with precious little in the way of trepidation
piled reveries into the back of my grip,
and embarked upon a destination
as if I knew where it was.

- and some how never knew where I reached, though i did land some where ....

and ..

"that beyond the squalid clutter of my heart
there were emerald pastures with rust eaten fender wells.

- i wish aria though the lines make me year deinitely ..... (loved the strike back to reality sense of the lines)

that aside ... loved it when u said "wandered through u on an evening" (i put special emphasis on through) and

"had perpetually pursued, never clasped
and I saw myself forever fated into
repeating same gestures, proverbial words
as outside my shrouded sentience
life rolled away,

- sorry for quoting so many of lines lines ... but then they were as if .... ( i must rather stop)

fantastic!!!

alok

Alok August 23, 2007 at 7:20 AM  

these typos aria, will haunt me like anything - if u can read speechless without "a"

alok

Nikks!!!!! August 23, 2007 at 7:56 AM  

A bit obscure bcoz of the naviety of my thoughts but able to grab the gist after reading second time .....
specially i liked the last octave...
"It seemed you and me, like ghostly lovers.....

a bewitching thought!!!
....like a vast blackness blighted by lights
beyond the windows of a moving truck ..

really u are a genuine writer who knows the art of putting best words in best place.... again to praise more wud be a banality on my part... and ya thnx for visiting and those encouraging words...

aria August 23, 2007 at 12:23 PM  

Zofo ... neat lyrics and pretty close to what I'd been trying to express. Will wait for the rest of your comment .. thank you :)

Alok ... Never mind those typos .. and nice of you to quote extensively from my writing .. it only shows how carefully you read them. You write such wonderful verses.. that I'm already in awe .. Thank you :)

Nikks ... ohh.. pleasure visiting and reading your poem. Thank you again for your appreciation and don't ever hesitate to criticise likewise .. after all . .we are all evolving.. at least are endeavouring to ..

vi August 23, 2007 at 5:31 PM  

very nice! esp. like the last para

asuph August 23, 2007 at 8:02 PM  

hmmm,

i'm ambivalent. while i admire (that's a very pale word to express it: awed maybe) your obvious command over this art-form, and in that sense, this probably ranks among your best, i think you're in danger of slotting yourself (okay shoot me, because the one time you tried breaking the mold, i gave a thumbs down).

why do i think, that even the theme, is very much what you've wallowed yourself in, for a while now?

or is it just me?

cheers,
asuph.

asuph August 23, 2007 at 9:58 PM  

btw, i liked the second half a lot more.

parikrama August 24, 2007 at 12:10 AM  

Arey yaar tum bohot mehnat karvaati ho apney chaah-ne waalo se. I spent close to 20 mins on www.m-w.com, looking up all the obscure words (empyrean , downspout , sentience).(And) after having done that, I spent another 30 odd minutes reading re-reading your latest offering. Chalo mehnat bekaar nahi gayi.. now I "think" I understand around 60% of what you have written. Baaki 40% ke liye i will have to take private coaching from you :)

Kalyan August 24, 2007 at 1:14 AM  

lovely words...I could as if feel the moment and your mind you are trying to narrate and get immersed in your words...!

aria August 24, 2007 at 1:22 AM  

Vi ... Thank you! I guess, to read your poems I'll have to wait, forever :(

Asuph ... When I'm relatively 'satisfied' with a scribble, I label them as poetry but as usual your comment made me introspect .. Thank you for that.
[like this verse it seems I'm forever fated into repeating same mistakes .. and though I fancied that I tried to bring a different perspective this time . .I could have repeated the same words .. will think more about the subject and theme ..]

IW ... sabse pehle ek gaana .. ahem .. aap aa-aa-ye bahaar aa-aa-yi *in Mohd Rafi errr Lata Mangeshkar's voice* Shukriya .. for doing so much mehnat .. agar 'issey' aagey badhe (read private coaching ) toh aur bhi mehnat karvaayeinge hum :D soch lijiye .. I'm always ready .. :)

Kalyan .. Thank you for dropping by and your comment :)

asuph August 24, 2007 at 1:52 AM  

Phew! Girl you need to shoot me once in a while. I was blind.

A sort of thing I'd occasionally indulged in
to look for a place on this earth, where it was possible still
to lead a life unilluminated by obsolete memories
unserenaded by familiar amorous songs, orchestrations
and uncatered by crude diets of vanity.


Sigh!

and though I fancied that I tried to bring a different perspective this time ...

I take back everything, and won't be available for commenting for a while because my foot is stuck in my mouth.

regards,
asuph

aria August 24, 2007 at 2:54 AM  

Asuph .. I’d been thinking over it too. The first part probably had a different perspective of moving on but the 2nd part again has the familiar desultory feel that I keep encompassing and so in a way you were right.

Now that most of the people who commented here seem to like the 2nd part more.. I’m already slotted I guess, into ‘lost love’ kind of writing. :( (though I was trying to speak metaphorically too this time, I doubt it worked) I seriously need to cerebrate on that.. thank you thank you . .and please you are my rare critic (cant shoot you, no way) so don’t desert me by not commenting .. though I think my next write-up will take some time. I need to infuse some new life . .as I’m tired of the same state of mind .. [in all probability I’ll keep writing similar stuff even in the future but who knows ..]
Have a nice weekend :)

AakASH!!! August 24, 2007 at 3:00 AM  

First segment is eloquent, but sits pretty on the fine line between verbose and art. Some words though intricate in their own self, when mixed with another such from the same class, make it too heavy to hold its own weight.

And thus a haunting thought can become a victim of its own haunt.

Though i know you like embellishment with words, but i dont know whether this much of a garnish was required.

Though i wont lie, and i really liked it. But you might try to re-read and them maybe attempt again.

Second segment is lovely, both in idea and the implemnation

You are amazing! And thank you. :)

aria August 24, 2007 at 3:05 AM  

Aakash .. phew .. Thats the way I write. I can't get rid of the embellishments .. and I rarely re-read and change what I've already written but thanks for your feedback and for reading.

asuph August 24, 2007 at 4:07 AM  

if you don't shoot me, i'll have to shoot myself in the foot, cause it's getting into my mouth a little too often.

whom was i kidding? of course i can't live without commenting.

cheers,
asuph

Nash August 24, 2007 at 4:15 AM  

Aria !! I liked the second part more also, but the first part builds the right mood for absolutely amazing second part. I agree with Asuph that this is amongst your best. I am not a poet but as a reader I feel that you don’t need to rewrite or change anything in this poem. You have a way of writing which makes you unique. At the risk of overwhelming you again, I said few more things but I stop :-)

Nikks!!!!! August 24, 2007 at 4:43 AM  

Wel rite nw its expecting too much from me to criticize such an impeccable writer like you.... I am learning the tricks ... you are already master.... but still i can complain abt the obscurity of the language.... you 've given me the liberty so i will try to...
newys a new post is ther on my blog... a happenstance dat the title resembles one of yours...

aria August 24, 2007 at 5:41 AM  

Asuph .. Hehe .. :) That’s good for me @ I can’t live without commenting.

Nash .. I rarely like anything that I write myself .. but like I said before .. coz I was relatively happy with my own effort I labeled it as poetry. I usually call them crap or scribble .. so yes .. I’m not going to change anything .. :)

Nikks .. I don’t mean that you HAVE to criticize .. :D if you find something odd .. you can say so .. everyone likes getting praised and I’m no different. However .. I’m no ‘master’ . .seriously. :) Btw I think most poems are kind of obscure and readers tend to give them their own interpretation .. but I can be wrong .. and I’m not defending myself . .its just a thought coz I can’t claim to have ‘understood’ any poem I’ve ever read.. will check out your space ..

Thanks again everyone :D

parikrama August 24, 2007 at 12:02 PM  

Arey yaar yu won't know how much anguish I feel on seeing the Aaakash's.. Alok's.. and Nash's of the world penning all those effusive comments. Thats the reason I slogged so hard over this one. Glad you noticed me amidst the din. Thank you. Right now, I am bit high.. thanks to the heady combo of 99 scored by SRT @ Bristol.. few glasses of fine Portugese wine and then therez you.. **Hic**

aria August 24, 2007 at 12:35 PM  

Waah waah @ high! I had turned on my computer to check the score .. abhi abhi light chali gayi .. (you must've slept off.. by now) and yeah SRT was awesome though I'm still cursing the idiot umpire for that miserable decision .. woh bilkul bhi out nahi tha ..
pS: Hum aapko notice na karien .. kya kabhi ho sakta hai .. ahem ..

Nikks!!!!! August 26, 2007 at 7:27 AM  

Hats off to your modest style... you are too humble to accept yourself a master and i believe that's the unsatiable urge makes you a prolific writer... and on the criticism issue yes positive criticism is alwys a blessing in disguise.... :) and praise is a slow poison... but it seems that you already have that antidote imbrued in your persona...

Ps: Do let me know your opinion about the new title...:)

parikrama August 26, 2007 at 11:29 PM  

More than the stupid umpire, I curse the growing clan of anti-SRT idiots who give negative vibes everytime he walks to the crease. Some wicked pleasure they get in watching the great guy fail. Its really sad :(

aria August 27, 2007 at 3:12 AM  

Nikks... Ok if you insist .. I don't mind being a master .. hehe. If you had read my "old" blogs, you would have known better :) But thanks again.

IW... I don't want to raise my temper.. reading and reacting to those morons. I've stopped watching analysis, reading articles, opinions and this n that. They are all jealous of him and understandably so.. (apne paas toh kuch achievement hai nahi toh kya karien bechare) Even the ex players like Kapil Dev (I'd respected him once) are so shallow. For me .. the day HE hangs he boots I'll stop following that pathetic game .. For the time being, I don't even care if India loses as long as "he" is playing well ..

The Hermit of Wandering Thoughts August 27, 2007 at 4:33 AM  

We always carry baggage may be reveries or obselete memories, i for one can't seem to shake them off. they revisit again and again like the ghost of christmas past; Wish I could get rid of them somehow..Its tiring carrying the load along.
May your road lead to you once and for all drop them
cheers
z

parikrama August 27, 2007 at 7:07 AM  

>> the day HE hangs he boots I'll stop following that pathetic game ..

:))))) Thats my gurl..

aria August 27, 2007 at 10:06 AM  

Thank you Zofo :) [ I wish the same for you.. take care ]

IW.. Now.. that brought a huge grin on my face :D Yehi sunne ka toh intezaar tha .. @ my girl .. [how mushy can I get?] Shukriya ..

Nikks!!!!! August 28, 2007 at 1:17 AM  

Wel I 've already read some of those.. and i am saying all this after reading that... Particularly what you write abt yourself... pour my heart out... Particularly
this one from one of your posts

"Day before when it drizzled, I peered out of my balcony into the coherent and unbroken vastness from horizon to horizon and detected only a void into which I hunted for distance and relief from the mirage of mountains that quivered around me with visible heat."

"It seemed that the shadowed passes around me could not lead out to those remote and sunlit azure hills but only look down on them as if on fabled kingdoms, across the barrier of possibility."

Though thats not relevant to this post but i m mentioning it here cos u dnt read comments in the older posts.... i posted some but u dint replied... anyways keep inspiring me with your writings

Nikks!!!!! August 28, 2007 at 1:29 AM  

I also muse whenever i see rain... out of window and it reminds me of some special moments... but wat u hav emoted truly deserves applause...cheers!!!!

Nikks!!!!! August 28, 2007 at 1:29 AM  

I also muse whenever i see rain... out of window and it reminds me of some special moments... but wat u hav emoted truly deserves applause...cheers!!!!

aria August 28, 2007 at 6:42 AM  

Thanks Nikks :)
I read all comments.. I don't get many, very few bother to read what I scribble. So its nice to get comments on old posts esp for the stuff I thought were better than the ones that have followed. I've read all your comments.. I did respond to a few .. but then I decided to thank you collectively for them all .. :)

Merryweather August 29, 2007 at 12:32 PM  

Magic... magic...! :) Really Nice. Loved it.

aria August 30, 2007 at 3:47 AM  

Thanks Merryweather :) Its my current personal favorite .. glad you liked.

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