Death...

>> Tuesday, August 28, 2007

I’d lain on a weedy slope, tattered at creases,
and the taste of life, still sour on my lips ..
It wasn’t life I ached for, but the aftermath -
A languid surrender, which might pass for
vague contentment or something like peace…

He stood defined, silhouetted against pallid sky
looking down at me sans censure or approbation
slipping in slowly, a figure without shadow -
I sank deeply with no impulse for resistance
he led me into regions, of fabulous delight.

I felt being porous and the last that was left of
the whole concoction, which had once been
‘a self’ was running out then, drop by drop….
bleeding down into a creek, feeding a river
which sparkled gaily, in the monsoon rain…

Loudly and robustly, he’d joined me there
filling his lungs, as he soaked in the view -
"Beautiful sight, isn’t it?"
I remember thinking that, yes,
It was a beautiful sight…

I'd tried to smile, to breathe and stand
without clinging onto the stone wall
Now I’m prone to think
it was the velocity in life, which had undid me
the Old Testament decisiveness, of it all.


Beyond the trivial importunities of being
with him at last, was novel transformation

to function without appeal and evaluation
terrible swift words or reconsideration -
dreamily radiant, where all questions
are answered, and all riddles solved …

**
Note : Inspired by - this

29 comments:

Kalyan August 28, 2007 at 7:29 AM  

This is an wonderful poem. You have crafted the words beautifully to elaborate the thoughts at that moment of the mind...really nice!

Nash August 28, 2007 at 10:44 AM  

"and the taste of life, still sour on my lips ..
It wasn’t life I ached for, but the aftermath -
A languid surrender, which might pass for
vague contentment or something like peace…"

Amazing imagery. It sent shivers down my spine. Also loved the last paragraph.

aria August 29, 2007 at 2:49 AM  

Kalyan... Glad you liked and thanks much, for reading.

Nash... I thought perhaps, the last para wasn't as emphatic as the start but its nice to know you liked it :) Thanks!

asuph August 29, 2007 at 3:06 AM  

breaking the mold, are we? ;-)

and then u'r protagonist decides to have the last affair?

liked it. loved some of the imagery.

yes i liked the starting para much more than the last. i could see the old tendency of losing steam near the end surfacing again. but sometimes, i feel, we have no control over what we write. it turns out the way it wants to.

couple of things that jarred:

something like peace... with infinite poetic license and the kind of command you have on English, this is unacceptable! yes, from lesser mortals like us, it's forgivable, not for you. unless it was intentional, and i've missed the significance of that intention.

sans censure or approbation...

slipping in slowly, like a figure...

IMO, it will sound much better without the like...

both the lines that start with "and " could have started without it...

fabulous delight: delight seems odd... too crass... too earthly...

okay before you beat me for being too picky, i'll stop.


cheers,
asuph

Alok August 29, 2007 at 4:39 AM  

absolutely adored the first two verses ... they had a breath taking effort ...

loved the rhetoric and the imagery that u created through out ..

when I was thru with the poem and I read "inspired by this" I remd wht Elliot once said of his own writings, "Immature poets imitate; mature poets steal; bad poets deface what they take, and good poets make it into something better, or at least something different." - you are the good poet aria who has made the concept her own thru this poem ... three cheers for that:)

btw, another point to note is the way u excellently used half notes and (approriately)punctuations, they ensured a very good flow ......

really nicely done :)

alok

aria August 29, 2007 at 5:14 AM  

Asuph :( .. You make the poor old me, think a lot *sigh* Thank you so much! I love being picked .. err ok that's not what I meant but you know what I mean :D

Actually, something like peace was intentional but if my immortality is at stake I'll think of something else .. and a better word for delight too.. was trying to be less verbose coz I can't really be succinct.. :D ..the rest I'll edit .. (and & like, thank you)

Btw I know it lost that steam like good old days but as you said ..I couldn't control. (Also, I'd tried the effect to be from troubled to tranquil, which needs more practice..)

Alok .. Thank you, glad you appreciate. ED is my favorite poet.. She inspires me inadvertently. Thanks for the quote from Elliot. I’m pathetic with punctuations and really happy to know.. they weren’t all that bad. :D

The Hermit of Wandering Thoughts August 29, 2007 at 6:27 AM  

"but the aftermath -
A languid surrender, which might pass for
vague contentment or something like peace"
-------
Can actually identify with these lines a lot aria, I loved this post.
----------


"to function without appeal and evaluation
terrible swift words or reconsideration -
dreamily radiant, where all questions
are answered, and all riddles solved" …
----------

Tis the other side of Life...
cheers
z

Merryweather August 29, 2007 at 12:26 PM  

It's a well-done & well-inspired piece of poetry.
The phrase "something like peace" & even the phrase "vague contentment" (with emphasis on vague), made me think that perhaps you expect the aftermath to be something even greater than peace! If it makes any sense.

Also liked the last paragraph- with some reservation for the last line... perhaps because it is the quest of life that fancies me more; than having the pieces of the puzzle put together! :D ...On another day, I may not be saying this... heh.

Thanks for leaving your comment on my blog, I just haven't been posting.

Inconsequential August 30, 2007 at 2:22 AM  

'tis rather good :)

aria August 30, 2007 at 3:39 AM  

Zofo... Thanks :) You keep giving glimpses of the 'other side of life' in the pictures you post.. yeah they are ‘that’ surreal.

Merryweather.. @ 'the quest of life fancies me more;' Great! and you do make loads of sense. Thank you. Perhaps one gets weary of questions and quest.. sometimes ..
Btw.. yes I was missing your posts.. so just thought of dropping.. a kind of 'hello' :)

Inconsequential.. Thank you :)

Arz000n August 30, 2007 at 2:07 PM  

By now you very well know me...and my "understanding" for poems...so I will keep this comment short.

This time I tried something different in order to understand it properly.

I tried reading with one eye..then used the other one to read it all ova again...and guess what?

I still think that my eye sight is perfect...am so happy :)

Regarding the poem, kinne baar bolu do write summary in the end!!!

Well....thanks for the link at the end of the poem. That sure helped :P

parikrama August 30, 2007 at 7:43 PM  

KISS.. (Keeping It Short n Simple)

Liked it :)

Inside our hands, outside our hearts August 31, 2007 at 10:59 PM  

Aria, you have a beautiful sense of writing... I enjoy it very much. this was almost taunting, yet quite wonderful

AakASH!!! September 1, 2007 at 2:02 AM  

I told you this before, this is a wonderful poem. Straight, phantasmic, and honest.

Absolutely love and envy your flair with words. :)

Your coda reminds me of this:

"...Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd..."
Eloisa to Abelard, Alexander Pope

Nikks!!!!! September 1, 2007 at 5:57 AM  

This is one of your fantastic creations!!! Your imagery compels the reader to ponder over the thought that how you have brought life to death.... simply outstanding.... and your inspiration from the source is also gud to read...

aria September 2, 2007 at 1:47 AM  

Arzoon .. Next time close your eyes and read .. you'll understand everything :D Where had you disappeared? I'm going to check your blog next, and there better be a new post .. :) Thanks for your relentless effort...

IW .. *Kiss back* (as in keeping it short and simple in return) Thank you :)

Inside our hands.. Thank you for appreciating & also for discerning the restrained voice :)

Aakash .. Thank you for commenting and for that amazing quote.

Nikks .. Thank you.. I'm glad you liked the poem and the inspiration, both :)

Rakesh September 4, 2007 at 1:43 AM  

First time at ur page...and your words have the strong impulse of creating a lasting effect..

Will keep visiting..

Arthur Quiller Couch September 6, 2007 at 10:46 PM  

Less is more.

Rakesh September 11, 2007 at 4:14 AM  

Hi,
Thanks for leaving your footprints on my page.

The Individualist September 11, 2007 at 12:07 PM  

I just seem to've lost interest in poetry. I don't know why. Not that you or anyone cares. Actually, even I don't.
But well. I read it nevertheless. And not unusually, you display the array of words at your disposal.

The Hermit of Wandering Thoughts September 14, 2007 at 7:05 AM  

hey aria. I came back but still no updates.. anyway see ya around
cheers
z

parikrama September 16, 2007 at 6:07 PM  

It't time for resurrection. Rise n shine my friend.. You have rested enough in peace :)

aria September 23, 2007 at 3:06 AM  

Thank you for checking :) I've this odd pattern . after every 2-3 months ... I need a loong break .. :( sigh ..

The Hermit of Wandering Thoughts September 30, 2007 at 12:17 PM  

will await your second coming eagerly

take care Aria
cheers
Z

Inconsequential October 2, 2007 at 9:49 AM  

:)

vi October 3, 2007 at 6:09 PM  

Where are you hon?

indicaspecies October 3, 2007 at 11:12 PM  

The importunity of 'being' with 'him' at last - can it be trivial?

Beautiful poetry. The last verse leaves me seeking for answers. Love it!

Jay October 5, 2007 at 4:53 AM  

Whoosh!

Dooka October 7, 2007 at 4:49 PM  

Hey Aria! Browsed through your blogs today... :) nice! You are what I remember ... absolutely brilliant writing...
waiting to read more.
love,
Me

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