frayed flame

>> Friday, July 27, 2007

I’ve studied your love
as a diagnosis
and prescription-
watched it cascade
and break
in crested waves.

This raw concoction
fits more snugly
in the current tincture
of my moral spectrum.

Having been through
the most memorable

banal smut once,
I’m in that mood

which tempts to sin,
even the best of us.

I won’t be a prisoner
though I accept your offer
and from these bundles
of negations I’ll fashion
a love that’ll temporise
the fresh dissolution.

50 comments:

The Hermit of Wandering Thoughts July 27, 2007 at 6:29 AM  

loved this..
it has that playfulness and hint of naughtiness which never fails to excite..
thanks for the comment on the Ice Maiden.
cheers
z

AakASH!!! July 27, 2007 at 6:54 AM  

Wonderfully said.

If you could play around the enjambement here, i think you can do more miracles.

Equivocationalist July 27, 2007 at 12:26 PM  

enjambement. there's a word i hadn't heard before :) that, and, 'temporise' (anglicised, of course. i don't like amerikan spellings).

but yes, i agree, quite pretty. i love your ability to so succinctly describe those nuances of emotion that would seem to almost evade expression.

Inside our hands, outside our hearts July 27, 2007 at 8:27 PM  

seems like you are toying with someone... are you? Ahh, the depths of a woman's heart. Playful and nice....

parikrama July 28, 2007 at 1:14 AM  

Arey yaar these guys ( Z, Aakash, equivocationalist ) are making it increasingly difficult for linguistically challenged readers like me to comment on your posts. Anything that I say or write would be like an eye-sore :( I dunno what I enjoy more your verses or their comments (Okay that's a no-brainer, ofcourse I am more biased to you)

aria July 28, 2007 at 4:38 AM  

Zofo .. :) Thanks for your lovely comment.. always a pleasure, visiting your wonderful page.

Aakash.. How about suggesting something? ;) (though I did attempt minor changes.. your technical flair is far superior) Thanks in advance. :D

Equivocationalist.. I'm certain you yourself write wonderful verses. (from your comments and posts it's quite easy to figure!) I'm changing the spelling of that word (can't irk my precious readers.) Thank you!

Inside our hands .. welcome to my blog. Your comment made me smile. I like the word toying .. and you are quite right, you know :) thank you for dropping by.

IW .. everytime I reply you, I've to start with a 'heehehe' or 'LOL' I'm trying to think of something new. I can safely say, I enjoy your comments more than my silly scribblings so please don't stop commenting :D I can bribe you, in cash or kind, whatever you say. Thanks a lot again ..

Alok July 28, 2007 at 9:47 AM  

It started brilliantly and it ended brilliantly ....

absolutely adored
"I won’t be a prisoner
though I accept your offer
and from these bundles
of negations I’ll fashion
a love that’ll temporise
the fresh dissolution.

alok

vi July 28, 2007 at 3:57 PM  

:) dictionary kholna pada :)

Nash July 28, 2007 at 11:35 PM  

‘a diagnosis and prescription’ Poor guy !! :-)
How do you think such things? As usual Loved it. I don’t have a blog. If I ever manage one, you will get first entry. You inspire me.

p.s. lol @ parikrama. I too concur.

AakASH!!! July 29, 2007 at 12:46 AM  

See i told you, you inspire!
While all we do, is to aspire!

aria July 29, 2007 at 5:20 AM  

Alok .. welcome to my blog :)

Vi .. :D I’m thinking of starting my own aria.com word(s) of the week site.

Nash .. Me and inspire? You are too generous… in fact you wonderful people inspire me to improve and btw I’m waiting for that “entry” .. honestly .. do try to ‘manage’ it soon :)

Aakash .. you always make my day! I can only dream to achieve some ‘rhyme’ in my scribblings. Perhaps I can take ‘private tuitions’ (from you) ;)

Thank you kindly, for your comments, everyone :)

AakASH!!! July 29, 2007 at 9:10 PM  

And childish rhymes at that. :D

How about this?
dissolution = this-soul-you-shun

asuph July 29, 2007 at 10:17 PM  

I guess I'm used to the sublime from you, every single time, that this one was a letdown for me. Of course that's not fair, I know. But then you have been raising the bar so much lately...

prescription! that's the most non-poetic word that you've ever used, me thinks.

regards,
asuph

The Hermit of Wandering Thoughts July 29, 2007 at 11:05 PM  

I think your own words describe it best:

subtle sublime yet sultry... all at once...
cheers
z

aria July 29, 2007 at 11:51 PM  

Aakash .. that’s not childish! Delightful twist of verb that was :D I can borrow the ‘word’ not the ‘act’ .. if you know what I mean ..ahem ..

Asuph .. I mix ridiculous with sublime too. :)

Zofo .. Guess, all I need now is the ‘svelte’ part.
Nice new picture in your profile.. actually that's sublime but then it always is. :)

Thank you everyone.

asuph July 30, 2007 at 12:17 AM  

well, you need a lot of practice with the former then. like i need a lot with latter.

cheers,
asuph

aria July 30, 2007 at 12:20 AM  

Asuph .. You need practice with sublime?? I've learned the 'sublime' part from you but you don't like me saying that ..

Nash July 30, 2007 at 1:19 AM  

It is unlikely that I will start a blog. I like reading. If something catches my fancy I like commenting anonymously. You don't allow anons but I was deeply moved by your words and used my gmail. You provide 'em exact words, my obscure thoughts.

asuph July 30, 2007 at 1:26 AM  

nah, i just don't believe that! i mean, i believe you mean it, but i don't believe that's true.

and yes, if i go and evaluate my writing dispassionately, i'm sure sublime is the last adjective i'll come up with.

cheers,
asuph

aria July 30, 2007 at 2:31 AM  

Nash .. What can I say :) I don’t think I deserve it but as they say ‘praise is a deadly drug’ and I’m bound to falter every now n then I hope to live upto your expectations .. thanks again However .. it’ll be interesting to read *you* ‘wording’ those ‘thoughts’ .. coz I’m convinced I’ll be able to relate with them . .so I still wish someday you gonna start that blog.

Asuph .. But I believe everything you say! So if you say so .. maybe you are right .. :D
On a serious note .. I think that to an extent even sublimity is subjective .. one person’s ‘sublime’ could be another’s ‘ridiculous’. That aside .. I’m hoping I’ll be back in your good books soon. Thanks for your feedback.

asuph July 30, 2007 at 2:53 AM  

phew, you've resorted to subjectivity ;). all bets are off now. and you *must not* believe everything i say. :D

and when did u leave my good books? rubbish (a la boycott). if i have to recommend to anyone just one poet from blogosphere, it will be you. and i don't see that changing soon.

regards,
asuph

parikrama July 30, 2007 at 2:57 AM  

You asking me "please don't stop commenting".. is like someone asking me to :

1> "please don't stop eating potato(everyday)"

2> "please don't stop blindly loving SRT"

3> "please don't stop wasting time at work"

p.s. : That was sublime or ridiculous ??

asuph July 30, 2007 at 3:05 AM  

with you, dear iw, the distinction is meaningless. don't get into such worthless issues of classification.

cheers,
asuph

parikrama July 30, 2007 at 3:34 AM  

Asupha,
To an untrained / un-enlightened eye, it may not be that obvious. But I can see that you have given me a backhanded compliment. (And) I ought to thank you for that. So thanks bhaai.

aria July 30, 2007 at 3:35 AM  

Asuph .. thank you thank you *million times* :D

IW .. for me you are always sublime ;)
(The ones who love SRT blindly can ask me anytime for a blind date and trust me blindly for a gala time)

asuph July 30, 2007 at 3:36 AM  

you're welcome bhai. and of course i knew, you've got a trained eye.

parikrama July 30, 2007 at 3:58 AM  

>> for me you are always sublime ;)

It would have been very easy for an in-experienced majnoo to get all excited at the prospect of a blind date. Alas! I couldn't help notice the wink at the end of your comment. Aap toh aisey na thi ? *sigh*

asuph July 30, 2007 at 4:03 AM  

rotfl @ iw.
no wonder you're still single.

aria July 30, 2007 at 4:05 AM  

IW :( why notice winks and all ? For once, can you not be blind.. ? SRT se blindly love aur humse baatien bhi itni 'guarded'.. *sigh*

asuph July 30, 2007 at 4:31 AM  

lol @ aria. i take back my words about you needing practice about the ridiculous.

aria July 30, 2007 at 4:42 AM  

Asuph .. I'll pass the blame on to you and IW .. this empyreal absurdity rubs off!
Gosh I'll shut up from now. :|

parikrama July 30, 2007 at 5:19 AM  

>> Gosh I'll shut up from now. :|

I too will close shop for the day by singing a not so ridiculous song. Arz kiyaa hein -

Aap Ki Aankhon Mein Kuch Mehke Huey Se Raaz Hein..
Aap Se Bhi Khubsoorat Aap Ke Andaaz Hein..

Lab Hiley To Mogare Ke Phool Khilte Hai Kahin..
Aap Ki Aankhon Mein Kya Saahil Bhi Milte Hein Kahin..
Aap Ki Khaamoshiyaan Bhi Aap Ki Aawaaz Hein..

Aap Ki Aankhon Mein Kuch Mehke Huey Se Raaz Hein..

aria July 30, 2007 at 6:39 AM  

*blushes and stays :| *

(somebody got sudhrofied! Meri sohbat ka asar hoga ..:D)

Inconsequential July 30, 2007 at 1:33 PM  

:)

Good piece.


and I intend to write again...
soon.

aria July 31, 2007 at 1:20 AM  

Thank you Inconsequential. Looking forward to your new post :)

Merryweather July 31, 2007 at 1:10 PM  

Great poem. I could relate to it like an observer engaging bit by bit in the swift, smooth passion of two souls- whose image is gripping- who engage in one another wistfully, yet with some reservation...
May be I am totally off-track and nothing I say above may make sense... Perhaps your words made me drift in another realm where I speak from my imagination more than what I can say of your verse!
Great one, nonetheless :)

Arz000n July 31, 2007 at 1:48 PM  

I think you should write down summary or you know - MORAL at the end of every poem. Its so brilliantly written (as always) that thick headed like me just dont get it.

Well...lemme make an attempt ...

This raw concoction
fits more snugly
in the current tincture
of my moral spectrum.

This was a purposefully placed tongue twister...isnt it?
I cant finish this sentence without pausing 12 times.

I won’t be a prisoner
though I accept your offer
and from these bundles
of negations I’ll fashion
a love that’ll temporise
the fresh dissolution.

this has to be poetic version of Shaushank Redemption. Dont lie to me :)

Me back..how are you?
Is our deal still on??

aria August 1, 2007 at 5:27 AM  

Merryweather.. you helped me understand my own thoughts better. Thanks a lot. No wonder you write such beautiful verses. :)

Hey Zoonie boy .. welcome back! *rolls off laughing*
Missed you loads. Of course, the deal is on; it got stronger in your absence. :) Thanks for dropping by and your delightful twists. :D

Arz000n August 2, 2007 at 3:52 PM  

Am glad n thrilled at the same time to know that even though your blog URL has changed....you are still the same.

So lets start acting on the deal right away...achche kaamo ko deri nahi honi chahiye..

Start sending money from tomorrow and I'll come out with a fantastic pension plan for you :P

Arz000n August 2, 2007 at 3:54 PM  

oooooooo ooooooo
Just to add further to this excitement (am sure you are)...the plan also includes HAWAII ISLANDS.

You or me...only time will tell :)

aria August 2, 2007 at 9:34 PM  

Arzoon sweetheart .. Of course, I haven't changed, just that I sin rarely ergo decided to change the blog name.. a new url was needed so that I can revert to previous status, you know keeping all doors 'open' and all that ..
However you need to go back on my previous blog & check the comments section of the post titled "The Sojourn" to refresh your memory with regards to the deal .. you seem to have forgotten the terms and conditions .. so plz *stop* demanding money .. ;)

Alok August 5, 2007 at 4:24 AM  

Happy Friendship day Aria!

alok

aria August 5, 2007 at 4:37 AM  

Looks like I was commenting on your blog, simultaneously.
Thank you Alok. Happy Friendship Day to you too.
You are the first (and so far the only one) to wish me. :)

Alok August 5, 2007 at 5:34 AM  

:)

dinkan August 5, 2007 at 9:48 PM  

its a nice different attempt...but frankly i didnt like it as much as your earlier ones.

AakASH!!! August 5, 2007 at 10:19 PM  

Time for another one...?

Alok August 6, 2007 at 8:15 AM  

yeah i second akash on that ... time for a second one...?

El enigma August 7, 2007 at 6:54 PM  

Having been through
the most memorable
banal smut once,
I’m in that mood
which tempts to sin,
even the best of us

loved the frivolous tone of this one :)

aria August 8, 2007 at 2:22 AM  

Dinkan .. nice to see you, after a pretty long time. Hope you are doing well. :)

Aakash .. Alok .. Thanks for checking :)

Enig .. Thank you :D The commentary on this post, takes the cake in frivolity .. hehe

Nikks!!!!! August 24, 2007 at 4:30 AM  

This creation of yours was like gathering pearl from oysters in the ocean.... I am simply
short of words to describe hw much i liked it.....

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