>> Sunday, June 10, 2007

It is not the season
to lie beneath a mughal boulder
with your eyes on the sky
letting the cosmic harmonies rush through you
Nor the time to seek effectual solace
of whiskey and soda
and evoke a memory
to dig details of a crumpled past
beyond which there seems
no present hope of penetrating

It is time to remember
those moments spent with you
as a cruise almost chromolithographic
in vitality of reflection
an epoch in my growth
a verse that gains in perfection
in magnitude
in meaning
as one brings to its interpretation
more experience of life
a finer emotional sense

I’ll remember you
as merely one more grain of frankincense
in the altar of my insatiable passion
as one more testimony to life’s strenuous renewals
of natures secret to draw fragrance from corruption.

I’ll remember your kisses
their crisp and homely flavor
as a native dish -
one of the domestic fusions
for which the exile palate is supposed to yearn

I’ll remember you
quite simply
for I loved you
and it was the last bitterest price
I'd paid to learn
that love has a price
that it is worth so much
and no more

I’ll remember you
but on a long day
when the rain will plunge us both
Into our own separate dreams
I’ll nod and turn away

with that refusal of intelligence
which perpetually asks for more
which makes no contract
with the self of yesterday
which is enticed from its old purpose
by the guiles of the next best thing
it is a poignant case, but a common one
and the next best thing
usually wins............


vi June 10, 2007 at 5:07 PM  

ok had to look up "chromolithographic" and "frankincense" :))
Your poems are always passionate!

I’ll remember your kisses
their crisp and homely flavor
as a native dish -
one of the domestic fusions
for which the exile palate
is supposed to yearn.

I liked your analogy :)


Equivocationalist June 10, 2007 at 5:32 PM  

a beautiful title for a deep and moving piece. i read this in the sterile confines of a perfunctory computer room, but my mind was soaring somewhere else, on the filamentous wings of your words.

AakASH!!! June 10, 2007 at 9:01 PM  

Awesome again Aria. You keep writing very meaningful words.

Absolutely loved the,

I’ll remember you
as merely one more grain of frankincense
in the altar of my insatiable passion
as one more testimony to life’s strenuous renewals
of natures secret to draw fragrance from corruption.


And i suggest maybe, 'and it was the last bitter price', instead of 'bitterest'?

Yes. No.?

aria June 11, 2007 at 11:16 AM  

Vi .. would have loved to know your analogy but never mind. :D Thank you.

Equivocationalist .. Thanks for that lovely comment :D

Aakash .. all suggestions / criticisms/feedbacks/brickbats are more than welcome. Thanks for giving a thought .. and for your comment. "bitterest" is intentional :)

The Hermit of Wandering Thoughts June 11, 2007 at 1:38 PM  

this has a Neruda like read about it...

loved the ending...
Pray tell whats a Mughal Boulder??


AakASH!!! June 11, 2007 at 8:56 PM  

Seemed so. :-)

asuph June 11, 2007 at 9:06 PM  


this is a reversal from your poems which seemed to lose steam in the end. this, in contrast, has an amazing amazing ending.

by comparison the rest is weak. the first para sounded like you're questioning "taroon ko dekhte rahe, chhat par pade hue" :)

and whisky is too coarse yaar... (okay that's last of my frivolous comments for the day).

But it is the time... is the but needed? it's little jarring... and IMO the ornamentation is taking the cake, not the depth of the poem... apart from the last para, which is not using any ornamentation ... but then it could just be me.

and before my comments becomes as big as the poem, I'll stop

keep writing,

atrakasya June 11, 2007 at 9:37 PM  

boy, your poetries are complex! I find that when I get around the complexity and the big words, they are quite nice, too, especially this one.
But the prima facie complexity is often too intimidating to make me want to begin reading.
I know complexity is a personal style, too, but I think your poetries would jump out much better with a pinch of simplicity.

aria June 12, 2007 at 3:14 AM  

Zofo .. our city is full of them @ boulder (the forts.. tombs .. ruins) but I did not name an edifice coz I wanted only a chunk for desolatory feel. Not sure if it worked but that was the intent. Neruda like .. wow .. thanks :)

Aakash .. I’m no poet(ess) just experimenting.. therefore please point out anything which you find incongruous even in the future. :)

aria June 12, 2007 at 3:23 AM  

Asuph .. hehe .. (I’m literally grinning) This is the quickest thing I ever posted.. scribbled when there was no current.. sweating and sipping lemon soda (missing the whiskey quotient) jotting whatever came to my mind .. but when I reached the last part .. I paused ..
remembering my previous fiascoes with the ending and now it seems the closing trouble has shifted in the beginning. Koi nahi .. “hum honge kaamyaab ek din”

PS - Thanks a lot .. mended the ‘but’ problem. I should have given it some more thought ..

Atra .. Thanks for reading and your feedback.

Nash June 12, 2007 at 9:30 AM  

Wonderful ! You are a poetess and an amazing one at that. I don't find your poems difficult to grasp, they are evocative, transparent and strike a chord.

The Hermit of Wandering Thoughts June 13, 2007 at 5:56 AM  

i had the impression that you were mentioning a specific monument of the nearly 1000 that criss cross the city.. That is one of the charms of this city and one of the reasons that I am stuck here forever.. I travel through many centuries of history driving to keeps me amused..
.. and I hope that people will stay this of this city a thousand years from now.. May those rocks be eternal.

Inconsequential June 14, 2007 at 2:05 AM  

Thank you.
very kind words, if imo inaccurrate.

Though, i'd return the compliment and say your stuff is much better.

'I’ll remember you
but on a long day
when the rain will plunge us both
Into our own separate dreams
I’ll nod and turn away -'

good good good.
been trying out some 'turning away' stuff too...Find it very hard to word.

any way, thanks again, for the kindness, after all the kindness of strangers has a strange reward.



Inconsequential June 14, 2007 at 2:08 AM  

my turn away piece was 'Ends'
back on june 6th...lots of posts ago :)

time does fly by...

AakASH!!! June 14, 2007 at 4:52 AM  

No matter what you say,
Poetess you are,
No distances to convey
near or far

Arbit rhyme. :)

aria June 15, 2007 at 3:30 AM  

Nash .. heh thanks.. that felt good :)

Zofo .. you said it! Though some complain that this city is unfriendly and what not .. I find even the rocks amiable.. esp for a loner like me. I often go to few places alone.. sit and brood all by myself.. everywhere there is a story ..
@rocks be eternal ..amen!

Inconsequential .. thank you! :)and you are welcome! I'd read your ending poem .. read it again today.. lovely words.

Aakash .. *bows* that was fun rhyme .. :D

Merryweather June 16, 2007 at 8:02 PM  

This is surely a great poem! -Very involving- like following the hazy eyes of a dreamer telling his dream... -heh :)
When I read "native dish" it reminded me of my literature teacher who'd explain us in Antony and Cleopatra how women were/are referred to as "a dish" by men... and that would then remind me of "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach"... heh, that's off-track... and gosh, am I learning something from marraige? ;)

Keep writing like you do! :)

parikrama June 18, 2007 at 1:31 AM  

Waiting for prose..

Ano June 18, 2007 at 7:56 PM  

Aria, finally got around to say what I felt about your beautiful writing - I've tagged you! :)


aria June 19, 2007 at 10:20 AM  

Merryweather .. your comment brought a smile:) In school/college guys referred to girls as “maal” & so did we! I hope way to a man's heart is through somewhere else. I don’t have much chance with my cooking :( Thanks a lot for your appreciation.

IW .. thanks for waiting so patiently. I’d written a silly story.. perhaps I’ve written something like that for the first time but it has become really lengthy & needs editing. I'll post it soon coz I’ve one guaranteed reader. :D

Ano .. Thank you for having me in that esteemed list and your kind words. Means much.

cheti June 20, 2007 at 2:12 PM  

"I’ll remember you ...."

That part was stinging !

You are amazing !!!

aria June 21, 2007 at 2:31 AM  

Thanks a ton Cheti! Good to see you. Missed your comments.

Anonymous June 21, 2007 at 8:07 AM  

Starts well. But the middle, although it tends to swoop and surge, does not match the power that the title and say -Mughal boulder - could have segued into. Thankfully for the poem the ending is well crafted. I honestly do not like free verse unless the rhythm and half-rhymes are self-sustaining. I also wish your blog (at least this one) would allow anonymous comments.

aria June 22, 2007 at 1:51 PM  

Hello Cherie! Glad to see you here after a pretty long time :) Asuph didn't like the start, Aakash and Vi liked something in the "middle" but at least there seems consensus for the end. It's tough for me to write proper rhythmic poems though I do try off and on. I care more for the "feel" & less about the "form"
Anyways . .lets see where my experiments lead me. Your feedback is valued. Thank you :)
PS : @ anon comments. someone else asked for it too but I'm wary of receiving obnoxious comments (previous experiences!) *sigh*

Anonymous June 22, 2007 at 7:58 PM  

You could try enabling comment moderation.About the crit - I dont think Asuph and my views are too diferent. The phrase I mentionand the title are poweful and then suddenly you 'slip' into w&s mode. With the present set up "Esquire" cannot critique your work.

aria June 23, 2007 at 12:46 PM  

:) I meant that I enjoyed different views about the poem tho thankfully one thing is consistent @ end! As for me I like the start hehe coz that had set the mood for the scribble and it was supposed to be retrospective.
That aside, I'm glad, 2-3 ppl are giving their honest opinion and I remember I saw the Esquire link. Ok I'll give anonymous comments a shot soon. thanks again.

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